The Truth About
by Charlicious
Summary: Just a little dabble inspired by Dan's video "The truth about December" I will hopefully continue this throughout the year including every major event (operative word being 'hopefully') Contains different situations you might find yourself in each of these events that are so ridiculously stupid I just needed to rant about them. Enjoy.
1. Christmas

**AN: Hey! Sorry this wasn't up for Christmas – I wrote it on Christmas Eve however when I tried to upload it on Christmas Day I couldn't get onto my page never mind my doc manager. ****Anyway, this is just a little dabble inspired by Dan's video "The truth about December" I will hopefully continue this throughout the year including every major event (operative word being 'hopefully') It's rated T however I do want to point out that it may contain bad language etc therefore being more appropriate for older teenagers rather than younger but I don't think it's quite mature rated. For this specific chapter I would also just like to say that I am a very strong Christian so therefore I am not making fun of the scriptural or religious side of Christmas but the traditional side and aspects that have evolved from it (such as present giving) so please don't be offended by anything written here that was not my intention. Without further ado enjoy!**

* * *

The Truth About Christmas Day...!

You wake up either with a hangover or the thought "I can't start drinking too early otherwise I'll be asleep right after lunch and will miss Christmas...then when can I start drinking? It is Christmas"

You need to get dressed up in your new clothes and jewels etc for the day even though it's 7am and you're just going to Church before spending the day with your close family who - let's face it - have seen you as a naked baby so they're not going to be bothered if you look hot or not but you feel obliged to anyway, once you're all sorted and you feel great you realize that you've been given a set of Christmas false nails...you HAVE to put them on otherwise someone will get upset that you didn't and you'll have to wait a whole year to wear them. So, you go through all the difficulty of getting them straight on your nail with your wrong hand then realise they're different lengths. After you've trimmed them down and made them look pretty it's time to go so you get in the car and realize there's no way you can even open the door with them on. Actually, there's no way you'll be able to do anything with them on.

Your ex-boyfriend sends you an email: all you can think "shit! Really? You couldn't let me have one day off? Right, should I email back or not?"

You stuff your face with chocolate and then realize you've got an entire Christmas dinner to eat

Your mum buys you a nice new outfit two sizes smaller than you are "well, it might be a little snug but I can always go for a bigger size" you instantly suck in "no, no it's fine! Actually a little big for me but I like it, thanks mum" now you can't breathe for the rest of the day for fear of splitting it and her being right.

Your boyfriend gets you some sexy underwear and your grandma asks you what he got you "um er um..." you have to think fast: chocolates? no she'll want some, a onesy? no she'll want to see it, Condoms? NO! Why can't I just think of something normal to say? "He got me some socks" right...I guess I'm going with socks..."oh, that's nice dear...did he also get you that nice lace bra and thong set?" Crap! Run! run while you can!

You play a game with your family and it results in everyone yelling, fighting and probably no talking until new year's day when it all has to repeat again.

One of your gifts is a button up onesy and you want to stay in it all day because what other day can you do that apart from Christmas? Then you realize that you need the toilet "this is not going to go well"

Someone passes you a present and tell you its fragile, then you drop it by accident. "Yup I love it thanks"

Every time someone takes a photo of you you're always doing one of three things 1) about to eat with your mouth wide open, 2) looking like you've been through a bush backwards as your hair is so messy from trying on so many new clothes deciding what to wear or finally 3) asleep on the sofa drooling with your butt in the air.

You've just finished your massive Christmas dinner and your entire family is sitting around the table laughing and having a great time when you realize you need to biggest poo ever! It can't possibly go well with everyone outside the door of the toilet can it? What can you do? Hold it in until they go or go and produce what's sure to be the smelliest and most gruesome Christmas dinner enduced crap ever? All the time while your thinking this it's brewing up to be even bigger and bigger until you can't hold it any longer you excuse yourself from the table and make your way to the bathroom only to realize that there's a huge que. Once you're through and into the bathroom itself you remember that you're in your button up onsey! Then, to top it all off after you've managed to overcome the massive wait and the massive crap and the button up onsey and the massive smell produced you see that there's no toilet roll left!

The food has been demolished and the crackers are being cracked. First the sparky thing inside your cracker doesn't go and you feel obliged to pull it so you try to pull it on your own only to snap the paper but not produce the spark - all you've done is brought your finger closer to the fire, then because you're so stupid and determined you do it again only to the same result, now you're left with hardly anything to pull and the spark still hasn't occurred so what do you do? Get the pliers out and pull it with that!

Now that the whole cracker situation is over and all the bad jokes unraveled that nobody enjoys as everyone either knows the answer or simply doesn't get them it's time for the dreaded paper hats! 'Dum dum dum' I don't think I'd mind them if I only had to wear them for the meal but you just can't get rid of them! You've done your hair up so nicely that every time it slips off your head your hair gets messed up and you have no choice to wear it for the rest of the night.

MARY DIDN'T EVEN RIDE ON A DONKEY! IT NEVER ONCE SAYS IN THE BIBLE THAT SHE DID SO WHY IS IT SUCH A BIG THING EVERY YEAR? The song "little donkey" has now been forever ruined for me and my childhood seems like a lie...

From the second you wake up to the second you go to sleep all you can hear is off key singing everywhere you go and to make it worse, as the night goes on and people get slightly drunker the music gets worse and worse until it reaches the point where there's just one person singing "We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas..." over and over again until they eventually fall asleep themselves.

Your Uncle buys you a Barbie doll every year and you're forced to say "aw thanks very much I love it" when in reality all you're thinking is "really? ANOTHER Barbie doll? I haven't liked Barbie since I was - oh wait I have NEVER liked Barbie!"

You wake up in the morning so excited and with so many plans but by 10 O'clock there's nothing left to do but watch TV in a sea of mess even though you spent the past three weeks tidying and wrapping presents.

* * *

**AN: Ok, so if any of you have read any of my other stories then you'll know that this isn't like what I usually write but I just thought of this stuff and nee****ded to write it bluntly in order not to explode with negative thoughts on one of my favorite days of the year. I think this is my place to rant about stuff so I hope you enjoyed my pointless rantings and please let me know if I'm the only one who thinks like this or not.**

**HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!**

**Love you guys :D x**


	2. Boxing Day

The truth about Boxing Day...!

I don't see the point of Boxing Day, you're just left with a bunch of mess from the day before and you're too tired to do anything about it but there's so much to do!

There's the sales. Everyone sprinting around acting like headless chickens trying to find a bargain even though most of the things available were just shipped in cheap by the shops and presented as great deals whereas in reality you're paying a fortune compared to what the shops paid.

I bet the shop assistants HATE Boxing Day because they'll either have the option of drinking on Christmas and be hung over when all the madness occurs or not to drink on Christmas and be left to drive everyone around everywhere all day!

Every year I don't want to go out, I just want to stay in bed and sleep for a century after the crazy day before but noooo! I'm always gotten up at 6am to get dressed and go out to visit the people I didn't see the day before even though I saw them two days ago and everyone I saw yesterday will no doubt be there visiting the same people telling them the same things about Christmas as I am. There's no point!

There's also the more sinister aspect of Boxing Day: a lot of people die around Christmas but nobody wants you to know that someone you've known all your life has died on the actual day so they all wait until Boxing Day when your phone is bombarded with texts and phone calls even though it's low on battery from the night before and you really don't want to hear from eighteen different people about someone's death. I mean seriously! How does waiting one day to tell you about death make it any easier to take?

There's also the fact that you want to wear all the clothes you got for Christmas so for about a week after you wear the clothes but there's only one pair of jeans which has gotten cream spilled on them from the Christmas pudding so you just have to go with it pretending it's part of the outfit for a week then to make it even better after that you just go to normal clothes again and most likely don't wear the clothes you got for Christmas ever again so there's really no point to it at all.

* * *

**AN: I know it's not the longest of chapters but as I mentioned I'm soo tired and have a HUGE list of things to do still so I'd better say goodbye**

**See you on New Years Eve/Day when I hopefully will update again!**

**Love you guys :D x**


	3. New Years

**AN: Hey guys! I am absolutely shattered so I apologise if this isn't the best of chapters. Generally I don't like New Years but I went out last night and really enjoyed myself so I have no idea what this chapter will turn out to be like. Anyway hope you had a good night, let me know what it was like and tell me if you enjoy the chapter :D**

* * *

Let's start with New Year's Eve.

You spend the day as normal, hanging out with friends, shopping, watching TV etc then it turns 7pm and all hell breaks loose. You need to do your hair, pick out an outfit, shoes, make-up, jewels..whatever you choose to wear you're going to be cold, the mountain of glitter assured to be left on you will take hours to get off and there will be no way you will want to get out of bed once you get into it.

You step outside and realize that it's absolutely freezing! Great choice with the low cut top - not!

By the time you reach the party everyone is already mortal and the wind has messed your hair up completely. You find your friends and get a drink ready for midnight. This is when it begins.

The eventuality will occur that you are going to kiss someone at midnight and now is the time to choose that person, your eyes scan through the crowd of dancing, talking people trying to get everything ready for the New Year.

10 - here we go, last ten seconds of this year

9 - look over to your friends who's eyes are alight with excitement

8 - what's the new year gonna bring?

7 - are there fireworks this year?

6 - who am I gonna kiss?

5 - last five seconds

4 - smile growing

3 - feet starting to hurt from the heels

2 - some party poppers gone off early leaving colours everywhere

1 - it's here!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! *cheer* *kiss* *drink* *hug* etc

The sky is alight with colours, falling sparkles and glitter everywhere, the fireworks have begun. OOh ah! what is the point of saying "ooh ah" ? Nobody cares if you "ooh" and "ah" it's just annoying!

You and your friends make you way out of the party and go to the second party of the night.

People are already falling over, snogging strangers, doing shots and generally getting wasted beyond memory

I don't see the point of drinking to get drunk and yet this seems like the basis of this night. Everyone ends up making a fool of themselves on the karaoke or dancing game then regret drinking the day after when they see it on Facebook.

"I will never drink again" two days later they will come home drunk. Idiot.

To me, New Year is simply an excuse to stay up all night partying which you could do any other day and the stuff would be much less expensive than they are on New Years, to watch the giddy drunk people and to dance. There's a lot of dancing on New Years which to me is stupid because after 5am nobody wants to dance and be active anymore especially if those same people are in high heels or short dresses expecting ice to appear on their eyelashes after being out in the night air.

Then, when you eventually call it a night and go home it's the excruciating task of getting all your make-up off and brushing the curls out of your hair which has been made solid after attacking it with hair spray and glitter.

You crawl into bed about to fall asleep there and then and as soon as you feel your pillow meet your head you fall into a darkness not destined to wake up until 4 in the afternoon.

* * *

**AN: Yeah I don't really get New Year but I think it's more fun when your older. We'll see. Still don't see the point of drinking to get drunk mind. Sorry! I thought I had uploaded this on New Year's Day but it didn't upload and I only realized now. Anyway hope you enjoyed this and I'll see you again soon!**

**Pleeeeaassseeeee review and tell me what you think! **

**Love you guys :D x**


	4. Being Sick

The Truth About Being Sick...

Ok, so it's been ten days since I became ill. It sucks.

It's been nine days since I've been as pale as snow which in my case is NOT attractive at all.

It's been eight days since I've been to school - I'm scared I'm gonna get a U on my exams because of it

It's been seven days since I've worn makeup - seriously I look awful!

It's been six days since I've been allowed to leave the house on my own.

It's been five days since I got out of my PJs.

It's been four days since I ran out of things to watch on TV.

It's been three days since I started taking the worst tasting pills in the world.

It's been two days since I ate anything but salad that someone else made for me.

It's been one day since I finished reading my bookshelf of books.

Today, I haven't moved off the sofa.

Being ill is stupid. You mope around all day everyday until you get better and in all honesty it's simply boring.

You're stuck at home.

It's gross, you look gross, you feel gross and truthfully throwing up is gross.

You're constantly afraid of falling over because you're so weak.

You can't be bothered to get a shower so you look disgusting.

You haven't gone to work/school so you're seriously behind on things you should be up to date on

Your phone is in the next room so you haven't texted anyone and you don't know what to write in an email. Somehow "I'm ill" doesn't cut it.

And seriously NO MAKEUP!

* * *

**AN: So, yeah, I'm kinda alright now but thought I should upload this as there's not really a big event coming up. Hope you enjoyed my agony and please review to let me know if you get bored when you're ill too coz it's seriously a big thing for me, that and the no makeup thing of course.**


End file.
